tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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