so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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