oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
