i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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