Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
