i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
