someone threw a dead crab at me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
