That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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