The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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