Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
