trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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