The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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