Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
