I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
