whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
