yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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