this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
