my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize