made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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