I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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