I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
