I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
