I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
