I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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