Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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