yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
