her vagine was all disorganized.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
