Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
