This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
