She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
