Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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