Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
In America we eat man semen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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