That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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