there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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