Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
