So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
