Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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