The best revenge is premature balding
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
