It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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