it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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