Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I enjoy the company of your penis
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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