he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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