There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
