dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
