The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
