She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
