everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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