oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He has the fingertips of a God
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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