Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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