I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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