It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
