I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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