I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
