think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
