just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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