The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
