Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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