I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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