Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
