chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
