Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
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Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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