So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
