I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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