Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
