textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
