The maid of honor just puked.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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