I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
