I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
