watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
