so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
