Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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