please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize