he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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