SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
